Life with: Depression
Hey, everyone! Today I’m going to talk about coping with depression. Don’t worry, I won’t make a sob story out of it, and I’m not going to write about what depression is in details. I just want to share some experiences with you all.
Okay, so, I was diagnosed with depression when I was thirteen years old, which means I’ve been suffering from depression for a long three, and almost four, years right now. However, I’m slowly dragging myself out of it. Now, what is depression? To me it’s basically feeling like shit every minute of the day, having really, really negative thoughts about yourself and having no energy for anything whatsoever. Since I’m slowly recovering, I’ve been experiencing things with much more joy than before and I’m getting involved with make up and beauty stuff and fashion and cooking etcetera, which means I’m gaining interest in life, basically.
Moving on, I made a top 5 of things I’ve learned to live with since I’m depressed, just because I was curious about what has changed in my ways of life.
1. Forcing myself to dress fabulous when I feel bad Yes, this is a hard task for me every single time I feel worse than usual. Because I’ve experienced days when I felt like crap and decided to wear sweatpants, a sweater, no make-up and a ponytail to school.. And if you feel like shit and you see yourself in a mirror and discover you look like shit as well, you’ll feel even worse. At least, that’s what always happened to me. But when you’re well dressed, with cute hair and nice make-up then you’ll feel a tiny bit better; I may feel like shit but I look a-ma-zing!
2. Worst immune system ever It’s common knowledge that your mood affects your body. And, shit, depression definitely affected my body. My immune system has hit rock bottom; since I became depressed I’ve been walking around with a constant headache. It’s endurable and it hurts way less since a year, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. Although, every week there happen to be one or more than one days where my head hurts so much I can barely stand up straight. Also, I get sick very, very easily. I just ‘got rid of’ some weird disease where you’re dizzy all the time for a couple of months (I’m still quite dizzy sometimes). Oh, and since a couple of months I found out that I have a low blood sugar. UGH, it’s driving me insane, especially when you have to deal with the condition of your health AND depression at the same time.
3. Putting on make-up according to cry-forecast I cry very easily since I seriously started recovering, which I began with about a year ago. Before that, I used to surpress every feeling I had which made me feel even worse. It’s actually pretty funny, now I even tear up when someone wins something on TV. I just get so happy for them that I can’t contain myself. Since I’m so easy, I have to watch my make-up. If it’s going to be a good, dry day then I can go crazy with eye make-up. If I already feel bad in the morning, then I put as less make-up on my eyes as possible. With waterproof mascara of course.
4. Almost-choking experiences at gym class Ever since I became depressed, my body totally ‘shut down’. I couldn’t even catch my breath when I walked up one pair of stairs. I had to take everything easy and slow. Really slow. This actually made me furious because I don’t like to take things slow at all, but now I accepted it and got used to it. And then, gym class. I always try to join in with my fellow classmates, and do the best I can.. But I usually end up dizzy, being unable to catch my breath or getting nauseous. And I’m just talking about warming up right now. I always try to push myself until I have the feeling I’m about to faint, then I take a break and everything is fine again within fifteen minutes or so.
5. Having a different view on life Even though I don’t wish depression to anyone I tend to believe that it has enriched my point of view on life. I’m experiencing how someone with depression thinks, and I actually find it really interesting. It’s horrible, but it inspires me to write about it and to recover (even though it’s interesting to myself, it’s hell). It’s a weird thing. As my mother once said, the universe won’t give you anything you can’t handle. It makes a lot of sense to me; ever noticed that the universe seems to take extra good care of children, people like the ones you see on MTV and drunks? And as I believe, nothing is coincidence. Interesting concepts to think about.
Lots of love,